Ughh...I need some help..you have no idea?

Sounds like you are angry. You are taking it out on your female companion. Find healthy ways to let go of the anger...excersice, dancing (the best), jogging, go were you can talk about your anger. Maybe a therapist or a good freind. SOmeone that will listen and not judge. You are very young. Maybe she isn't the one. Do you feel that you can talk to her? Can you talk to her about your anger of your losses? You need to be able to do that with your significant other, or at least have someone you can do that with. "The One" should be your best freind. You can tell that person anything and they will love you no matter what. Do you feel that way with her? All I really read is that yo think she is beautiful. All that attracts you to her is her exterior? Not Good. You have to love her beyond that. It isn't fair to her either. You maybe afraid of letting her go, becasue of the losses you have already endoured. Why would you want to go through that again? It is tough. There will be lots of pain but if you stay in the wrong relationship there will be more pain then you ever imagined. On the other hand working on your anger as I listed above may even make your relationship grow stronger. None the less you must work on the anger part.