Monday, November 7, 2011

REALLY DOWN RIGHT NOW...PLEASE HELP?

Hi, I feel really bad. At the start of college, having came out of secondary school doing well whilst those who bullied me nd left me out for 5 years failed, i really came in to college confident nd with all the eneegy to work, i wanted to get along with people but didnt really think i needed friends. I admit i was very naive then. Because I was used to my being a loner and lacked appropriate social skills such as been considerate of others in my surrounding when i said things about myself which might have caused jealousy or not speaking up when people judge me on the basis of my appearance alone, asking me why i always looked prepared for life and always dress up, this is from girls i think when they started hating on me i should have spoke out nd when they started hating that i got better grades than them or that a specific boy that ond of them liked got on better with me. After getting ABB, in the two B's i was one and two off an A, i was sincerely disappointed because the B's were two off an A but they did worse nd so they started treating me differently focusing on how much i studied. I sensed the hatred but i didnt want to bring anything up because i said to myself id left all the fights in secondary school.Before the summer exams, i knew i didnt quite get the DNA based module and organic chemistry nd sorta panicked, did excessive revision for it but only came out with mediocre grades B and C much lower than i need for medicine, to make things worse i was naive enough to take my coursework for granted because the teachers kept saying its only 20 percent and it shudnt matter but it got my overall grade down from B's to C's so that i ended up with ACC..i had gotten the reequired work experience nd really did love my subjects, particularly biology which i kept saying that i loved it but dont like the DNA module nd i think i did say to one of these girls who kept saying she doesnt like biology that why does she want to do medicine and i was admittedly over pionate about it too early, i have now leant that that can be a a dangerous thing. These girls have had sisters and friends go through a levels and were better prepared for the coursework aspect and managed to get B's in their biology and chemistry which meant they could be predicted an A whilst i was predicted B, consequently i couldnt apply for medicine nd they could, it was a painful experience nd although i kept trying to work, not having the right support around me in terms of friends, parents not fully understanding how i felt nd just pushing me to work harder without checking for my emotional wellbeing as a result of the setback, even Dad said to me that when am i going to prove myself that ill do well nd mum contributed to my confusion, i couldnt think properly about what to do next, i dont like the other sciences as they are all lab based nd didnt want to give up by doing something else so i applied for physiology but because of the uni fee rise nd the fact that it didnt feel right, i reapplied for my strong point economics in hope of doing grad medicine, offcourse these girls took the opportunity to rub it in my face all the time nd the worst part is that in all my lessons there is one of them nd im not very gd with bitching about them....somehow i ***** find the technique of revising to get the grades i wanted in coursework nd other exams..nd the second jan exams this yr, i put in great amount of effort despite struggling with burn out nd prayed a lot, hoping for a success after failure, it didnt come nd these girls rubbed it in more..i was getting bitter but i sorted that out now......i got really down nd had a break down because 2 weeks before those exams i fount out my aunt nd cousin are HIV positive nd 1 day before my biology exam i found out my mum had chronic hepatitis B...I felt a lot of heaviness like all parts of my life isnt going right but i decided to cry to let it out before my exams...but i think the pain was easily reflected on my face, my parents being how they are obviousltt gave the best advice they could about it not being an excuse to perform badly, my mum was so concerned she talked about it with me all the time, nd the negativity was getting to me but i understood her pain as her sister nd niece is also ill in the same period. My coursework this yr has gotten better but these girls ones also have even more, i know coursework isnt my strong point but nd one of them has a 6 yr medicine offer whilst the other apparently has a 5 yr offer but shell take her biomedicine offer instead which i dont think its true because why would she do such a thing shed wanted to be a doctor since she was so little, so much that she went behing my back nd my other friends back to get the work experience we'd gotten...it seems like im the one who lost out...what is your sincere advice to me..i do feel like how they treated me is also based on the rumours theyve had about me from others from secondary school...

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